On confidence
Feb. 13th, 2026 11:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
posicScott D. Clary in Facebook -- https://www.facebook.com/scottdclarypage/posts/pfbid0tkGKfHWEon5ZaK4EtHgty5e9DHzPfDMUF8eivSDcrrYdH3izmRreqzg9QQCrE6Rgl -- posts a picture with the text on it:
"Confidence isn't built by winning. It's built by surviving your own worst-case scenario and realizing it didn't kill you. Most people avoid risk to protect their confidence when the fastest way to build it is to let the thing you're afraid of actually happen. You're not fragile. You just haven't tested yourself yet."
and also writes in plain text:
"Confidence isn't built by winning. It's built by surviving.
Most people get this backwards.
They avoid the hard conversation to protect their confidence.
They don't apply for the job so they can't get rejected.
They never launch so they never have to fail publicly.
Feels safe. Actually makes you weaker.
Here's what actually builds confidence:
→ Ask and get told no
→ Try and fall short
→ Put yourself out there and get ignored
Then wake up the next day and realize... you're fine.
That's the data your brain needs. Not wins. Evidence that losses don't break you.
You think you're fragile because you've never stress-tested it.
The fastest way to stop being afraid of rejection is to get rejected and survive.
The fastest way to stop fearing failure is to fail and notice you're still here.
You're not as breakable as you think. You just haven't proven it to yourself yet.
Stop protecting yourself. Start testing yourself."
***
If acceptance were my main aim, I would be able to develop tolerance of rejections.
But it never was, and isn't. It was never my aim to be accepted on the 100th attempt after surviving 99 rejections. The aim is neither to survive at all, nor to be accepted at all; certainly not necessarily in my lifetime.
I am not fragile. I have tested it and I know for sure that I can face aggressive violence, lack of recognition, poverty, the danger of starvation etc.
But the aim was not to become rich, or famous, or accepted, or acceptable, or to live a long life; nothing like that. The aim was to do something really important and of high positive value in the course of a possibly short and difficult life.
There was never any point in approaching fools again and again until some of them accept me. There was never any point in learning the preferences of the fools. The fools were supposed to be ignored or shown the door, not asked for acceptance.
Symmetrically, people begging me for acceptance are wasting their time. I do not care if you are rich, or famous, or educated, or well-connected, or anything. If your attitude is not acceptable to me, I will throw you out of my circle and not take back.
I suppose that should sound confident enough.
"Confidence isn't built by winning. It's built by surviving your own worst-case scenario and realizing it didn't kill you. Most people avoid risk to protect their confidence when the fastest way to build it is to let the thing you're afraid of actually happen. You're not fragile. You just haven't tested yourself yet."
and also writes in plain text:
"Confidence isn't built by winning. It's built by surviving.
Most people get this backwards.
They avoid the hard conversation to protect their confidence.
They don't apply for the job so they can't get rejected.
They never launch so they never have to fail publicly.
Feels safe. Actually makes you weaker.
Here's what actually builds confidence:
→ Ask and get told no
→ Try and fall short
→ Put yourself out there and get ignored
Then wake up the next day and realize... you're fine.
That's the data your brain needs. Not wins. Evidence that losses don't break you.
You think you're fragile because you've never stress-tested it.
The fastest way to stop being afraid of rejection is to get rejected and survive.
The fastest way to stop fearing failure is to fail and notice you're still here.
You're not as breakable as you think. You just haven't proven it to yourself yet.
Stop protecting yourself. Start testing yourself."
***
If acceptance were my main aim, I would be able to develop tolerance of rejections.
But it never was, and isn't. It was never my aim to be accepted on the 100th attempt after surviving 99 rejections. The aim is neither to survive at all, nor to be accepted at all; certainly not necessarily in my lifetime.
I am not fragile. I have tested it and I know for sure that I can face aggressive violence, lack of recognition, poverty, the danger of starvation etc.
But the aim was not to become rich, or famous, or accepted, or acceptable, or to live a long life; nothing like that. The aim was to do something really important and of high positive value in the course of a possibly short and difficult life.
There was never any point in approaching fools again and again until some of them accept me. There was never any point in learning the preferences of the fools. The fools were supposed to be ignored or shown the door, not asked for acceptance.
Symmetrically, people begging me for acceptance are wasting their time. I do not care if you are rich, or famous, or educated, or well-connected, or anything. If your attitude is not acceptable to me, I will throw you out of my circle and not take back.
I suppose that should sound confident enough.
